I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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