I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
