Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
