If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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