Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
