thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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