i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
