man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
