My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
These tits shall not be calmed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
