This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
