can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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