If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
