remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
