I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Randomize
