i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
