she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
