Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
