just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
