smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
