very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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