never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
