Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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