I hate your face
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
