in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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