he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
