Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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