Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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