she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
