Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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