She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
