I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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