I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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