New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
