I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
