do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
