yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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