Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
