Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
