She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
