What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
