I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
