I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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