so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
