This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
