Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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