I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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