im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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