how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
