Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
