Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
