I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
