i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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