just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
