The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
