Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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